Have you ever wanted to turn time back and go to when you were 10?

I have been experiencing that a lot lately.  I remember being 10 and feeling like there were no limits.  My favorite childhood memories involve running on the beach in the surf with no worries and no fears and hiding in the trees across the street from my house in the little clearing in a grove of trees where I would play.  I remember dreaming that I would find the man of my dreams, my prince, and that my life would be perfect.  Dreaming isn’t quite as easy now as it was back then.  Life has managed to throw one too many curveballs my way and I am just not a great baseball player.

I think that all little girls dream that they will find a loving man, just like their daddy.  I wish that I could find that man.  I think that I am giving up trying for a while.  It’s time to take a break from men except for the 3 little ones that I love with all my heart.  My focus is going to be on the 3 little men that I have in my life and in teaching them to be the kind of men that a woman can depend on.  They will be the kind of man that a woman wants to have by her side and love for all eternity. 

Maybe its life that turns the positive happy little girl that you are at 10 into a jaded, hurt, angry, and tired woman. Or maybe it is the disappointments that we experience.  Or are they one in the same.  I wish that there was a way to experience life without all of the serious disappointments and to remain that happy, peaceful child that you were.   I know that this is an impossible prayer but it is what I am hoping for my children and for my niece and nephews.  I would love to be able to find a way to protect them from the bad experiences so that they can continue to believe that life is perfect and that the people that they love will never disappoint them.

Am I more than just MOM?

Is it wrong to want to be more than just a mom?  Now don’t get me wrong I LOVE being a mom but there are times when you want to just be you.  Just to be the person that you were before you had kids.  To be that person that only has to worry about you...to be selfish for just a few hours.  To want to hide under your covers and feel sorry for yourself and not have to worry about getting up and taking care of anyone else. 

I experience what I flippantly refer to as “mommy guilt”.  I think that every mom experiences this on a somewhat regular basis.  You made a decision to have kids and it is a decision that you will never regret, because it was the absolute best decision of your life, but occasionally you wonder “what if…?” and then you feel guilty for wondering it.  It’s not like you don’t want kids or that you regret having them.  Sometimes you just wonder what your life would be like if you could do anything that you wanted to.

What do you think, is “mommy guilt” real and have you ever experienced it?

The Horror that is Black Friday??? Are you sure???

So I ventured out today into the crowds what I thought would be long lines and crowds.  Mom and I started at about 9 am thinking that we would probably miss most of the really good deals but we would be able to get the ones that we really wanted. 


Instead what we discovered was a half empty Wal-Mart...with all of the good electronics deals still there in plenty...and no long checkout lines to go with them.  Then we proceeded to Target where again we were surprised with empty checkout lanes...and all of the deals still present in overabundance.  


By this point it is barely lunch time and I am in shock and half done with the shopping that I wanted to accomplish for the day.  Thinking that I was just getting lucky and the people had forgotten that it was Black Friday and they were supposed to be shopping I headed out to Sears and Bed, Bath, and Beyond only to discover that the lines were existent but still shorter than I have ever experienced on the day after Thanksgiving.


Today's experience has reinforced in my mind that our politicians have zero idea about what is really happening in our economy because if today is any indication we are still in a recession because NO ONE has a ton of extra money to go shopping even on the biggest shopping day of the year even to get the fantastic deals that are out there.

“Strangers are just family you have yet to know”

Have you ever had the inability to sleep drive you crazy.  That is me today.  I didn’t fall asleep last night until about 11 pm and then the obnoxious, whiney, brat dog wakes me up at 5 am and I can’t fall back asleep.  Yes she is cute and I love her but why could she not have let me sleep even an hour longer. LOL

So I decided to just stay up and watch my latest Netflix movie, “The Five People You Meet In Heaven”.  This quote jumped out at me and made me realize that we are taught from a very young age that all strangers are bad.  Now don’t get me wrong I will continue to teach the young kids in my life that they should not speak to strangers but shouldn’t you also teach them that every stranger has the potential to be your next great friend because really what is a friend before you get to know them but a stranger.  But how do you walk the line between showing your kids how to be safe and how to be open to making new friends.  Wasn’t everyone in your life a stranger until you got to know them?

That is probably enough deep thoughts for this morning so everyone have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING and make a new friend :0)

Rediscovery

Okay back to topic....I am getting a little random.  LOL.  My family has always been important to me and they are a big part of who I am.  I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving tomorrow with the big extended family. Most of them I only see once or twice a year but seeing them reminds me that I have a huge support system that can help me through anything.

I remember growing up and spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with my dad's aunts and uncles and cousins.  It was a constant in our lives and even though we only see each other during the holidays we are a lot closer than  most families.  Now when I say that it was my dad's aunts and uncles and cousins you probably picture a dozen or so people.  In reality there are dozens of people there.  My Grandpa has 6 brothers and sisters and each of them has at least 2 kids.  Then you add in the kids of their kids and it makes for a crowded family filled fun day.

I am hoping that the holidays this year will help me rediscover the part of me that existed pre-marriage and kids.  The part that knew that family was important and that had a belief in love and marriage.  My trust and faith in marriage has been drastically affected by the heartbreaks that I have experienced.  One thing that you should know about my family is that it is full of people that have been married for well over 20 years.  In fact the number of divorces in my family is way below the average.  I love seeing all of the married couples and how happy they still are.  I hope that I can recapture the belief that I had in marriage and love but only time will tell.

Do you have a large family?  Do they have a profound affect on your life?

The Wonder of Water

Have you ever just sat in the shower and felt the water seep into your pores?  I do some of my best thinking in or near the water.  Any kind of water, the shower just happens to be the most accessible.  I also love the swimming pool, the creek, rivers, ponds, lakes, the ocean (although this one is difficult to access being in Colorado and all).  Any body of water.  The water clears my head and makes me feel better.  


While sitting in the shower just thinking this morning (probably a little bit of an over share LOL) I realized that I have far too much stress and i need to figure out something to do on a regular basis to recenter myself.  There is a lake not far from my house and a creek about the same distance the opposite direction.  I am thinking that even though it is getting colder out that a walk around the lake or a walk along the creek once a day would be a great relaxation technique.


Do you have anything that you do that just makes you feel whole again?

Feeling overwhelmed

An attack of "overwhelmedness" hits like a freight train.  It can catch you off guard and make you feel like you can't breathe.  Every mom gets this feeling at least once...a day...usually quite a bit more when their child is young.  I have been getting it about every 2 or 3 hours lately.  


With Christmas coming and not being entirely sure where the money is going to come from to pay for it I am trying to come up with inexpensive ways to make or find gifts for the boys.  I know that there are all kinds of things that I can make for them but when all that they are asking for is electronics and video games I have run into a barrier because those I can't make.  So how do you make the choice between giving your children what they want or giving them something that they will like...but not necessarily love?


If anyone out there has any ideas about what teenage boys would like I am open for ideas.