Am I more than just MOM?

Is it wrong to want to be more than just a mom?  Now don’t get me wrong I LOVE being a mom but there are times when you want to just be you.  Just to be the person that you were before you had kids.  To be that person that only has to worry about you...to be selfish for just a few hours.  To want to hide under your covers and feel sorry for yourself and not have to worry about getting up and taking care of anyone else. 

I experience what I flippantly refer to as “mommy guilt”.  I think that every mom experiences this on a somewhat regular basis.  You made a decision to have kids and it is a decision that you will never regret, because it was the absolute best decision of your life, but occasionally you wonder “what if…?” and then you feel guilty for wondering it.  It’s not like you don’t want kids or that you regret having them.  Sometimes you just wonder what your life would be like if you could do anything that you wanted to.

What do you think, is “mommy guilt” real and have you ever experienced it?

The Horror that is Black Friday??? Are you sure???

So I ventured out today into the crowds what I thought would be long lines and crowds.  Mom and I started at about 9 am thinking that we would probably miss most of the really good deals but we would be able to get the ones that we really wanted. 


Instead what we discovered was a half empty Wal-Mart...with all of the good electronics deals still there in plenty...and no long checkout lines to go with them.  Then we proceeded to Target where again we were surprised with empty checkout lanes...and all of the deals still present in overabundance.  


By this point it is barely lunch time and I am in shock and half done with the shopping that I wanted to accomplish for the day.  Thinking that I was just getting lucky and the people had forgotten that it was Black Friday and they were supposed to be shopping I headed out to Sears and Bed, Bath, and Beyond only to discover that the lines were existent but still shorter than I have ever experienced on the day after Thanksgiving.


Today's experience has reinforced in my mind that our politicians have zero idea about what is really happening in our economy because if today is any indication we are still in a recession because NO ONE has a ton of extra money to go shopping even on the biggest shopping day of the year even to get the fantastic deals that are out there.

“Strangers are just family you have yet to know”

Have you ever had the inability to sleep drive you crazy.  That is me today.  I didn’t fall asleep last night until about 11 pm and then the obnoxious, whiney, brat dog wakes me up at 5 am and I can’t fall back asleep.  Yes she is cute and I love her but why could she not have let me sleep even an hour longer. LOL

So I decided to just stay up and watch my latest Netflix movie, “The Five People You Meet In Heaven”.  This quote jumped out at me and made me realize that we are taught from a very young age that all strangers are bad.  Now don’t get me wrong I will continue to teach the young kids in my life that they should not speak to strangers but shouldn’t you also teach them that every stranger has the potential to be your next great friend because really what is a friend before you get to know them but a stranger.  But how do you walk the line between showing your kids how to be safe and how to be open to making new friends.  Wasn’t everyone in your life a stranger until you got to know them?

That is probably enough deep thoughts for this morning so everyone have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING and make a new friend :0)

Rediscovery

Okay back to topic....I am getting a little random.  LOL.  My family has always been important to me and they are a big part of who I am.  I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving tomorrow with the big extended family. Most of them I only see once or twice a year but seeing them reminds me that I have a huge support system that can help me through anything.

I remember growing up and spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with my dad's aunts and uncles and cousins.  It was a constant in our lives and even though we only see each other during the holidays we are a lot closer than  most families.  Now when I say that it was my dad's aunts and uncles and cousins you probably picture a dozen or so people.  In reality there are dozens of people there.  My Grandpa has 6 brothers and sisters and each of them has at least 2 kids.  Then you add in the kids of their kids and it makes for a crowded family filled fun day.

I am hoping that the holidays this year will help me rediscover the part of me that existed pre-marriage and kids.  The part that knew that family was important and that had a belief in love and marriage.  My trust and faith in marriage has been drastically affected by the heartbreaks that I have experienced.  One thing that you should know about my family is that it is full of people that have been married for well over 20 years.  In fact the number of divorces in my family is way below the average.  I love seeing all of the married couples and how happy they still are.  I hope that I can recapture the belief that I had in marriage and love but only time will tell.

Do you have a large family?  Do they have a profound affect on your life?

The Wonder of Water

Have you ever just sat in the shower and felt the water seep into your pores?  I do some of my best thinking in or near the water.  Any kind of water, the shower just happens to be the most accessible.  I also love the swimming pool, the creek, rivers, ponds, lakes, the ocean (although this one is difficult to access being in Colorado and all).  Any body of water.  The water clears my head and makes me feel better.  


While sitting in the shower just thinking this morning (probably a little bit of an over share LOL) I realized that I have far too much stress and i need to figure out something to do on a regular basis to recenter myself.  There is a lake not far from my house and a creek about the same distance the opposite direction.  I am thinking that even though it is getting colder out that a walk around the lake or a walk along the creek once a day would be a great relaxation technique.


Do you have anything that you do that just makes you feel whole again?

Feeling overwhelmed

An attack of "overwhelmedness" hits like a freight train.  It can catch you off guard and make you feel like you can't breathe.  Every mom gets this feeling at least once...a day...usually quite a bit more when their child is young.  I have been getting it about every 2 or 3 hours lately.  


With Christmas coming and not being entirely sure where the money is going to come from to pay for it I am trying to come up with inexpensive ways to make or find gifts for the boys.  I know that there are all kinds of things that I can make for them but when all that they are asking for is electronics and video games I have run into a barrier because those I can't make.  So how do you make the choice between giving your children what they want or giving them something that they will like...but not necessarily love?


If anyone out there has any ideas about what teenage boys would like I am open for ideas.

-DON'T BLINK-: Meet Me on Monday

-DON'T BLINK-: Meet Me on Monday

Meet Me On Monday Questions

Questions:
1. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2
2. Where will you eat on Thanksgiving? At a Cousin's house.  My dad's family gets together every year for Thanksgiving so we have lots of really good food.
3. Would you rather go to a party or host a party? Go to one!  I am not the best party hostess
4. How many purses (for the guys..wallets) do you own? Way more than I should.  I'm only guessing here but about 20 (probably more)
5. What is your favorite kind of seafood? I love fish and crab legs but don't try to give me shrimp or I might throw it at you. LOL

Up After the Sun...YIPPEE

This could be a really good week.  The boys don’t have school so I actually got to sleep in a little bit and the sun beat me up this morning.  I think that it is always a good day when you wake up to the sun shining. 

There is snow on the ground, only about a ¼ inch of snow but a light dusting of snow is still snow.  Normally I’m not a big fan of the white stuff but when there is only a small amount it doesn’t turn the normally average drivers in Colorado into complete morons.  I’m hoping that there is still a light dusting when I get to work so I can get a picture of one of my favorite trees with the light dusting around it. 

I’m thinking about adding some zipper pulls, key chains, cell phone fobs, and additional bookmarks to my Etsy page later tonight.  We’ll have to see how my day goes and how much the boys are fighting when I get home from work.

Have a great day everyone.

Choices

So sometimes I wake up and feel like I should just the day over before I even get out of bed.  Today isn’t really one of those days, LOL, I woke up in a great mood.  Before the sun but in a great mood

 I was thinking that I should get up and go for a walk along the creek.  The problem with that is that none of the boys want to go with me and I don’t really like going by myself.  I do think that some pictures of the water would be a good thing to do though. 

Hmmm….self reflection or sitting in the warm house and making breakfast for my beautiful boys.  My boys will of course win out because that is the life of a mom.  Your kids always come first.  So instead of self reflection by the creek I will make breakfast and take them to see Harry Potter.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I have always loved this passage from the bible.  So much so that it is hanging all over my house in pictures.

Every time that I look at it now I get a little bit sad.  This passage was also a part of my wedding ceremony.  Now I have big gaps where pictures were on my walls, the littlest boy made me take down all the pictures that had my husband in them.  Now I am trying to figure out new pictures top hang in their place and I was considering taking the sayings down.  Last night I had a revelation though.  The passage doesn’t only refer to married couples it refers to the love between a parent and child as well.  Now I am thinking that I will use the sayings as a centerpiece for pictures of fun times with my boys.  Now I just have to find the best pictures of my boys having fun.  Maybe I can find some cute frames at the craft fair today. 

What to do you do to try to rediscover yourself?

I’m getting my butt out of the house.  I’m going to go to a craft fair with my mom and sister-in-law this weekend.  Now one thing that you should know about me, craft fairs are like my Mecca.  I LOVE going to see what other people create.  Who knows maybe I will walk out with some new ideas for things to make.  One can only hope as I am going to need some ideas for easy to make, inexpensive Christmas presents this year.  Hmmm…what to make for a 15, 13, and 11 year old boy that they won’t just see as another something that mom made.  I want it to be cool and fun so that they enjoy using it as much as I enjoyed making it.  

1st step to rediscovery

Steps to rediscovery

Well I guess the first step is getting out of bed and starting your day.  Possitive thoughts only!!!

I am a good person.  I have done things that others see as wrong but I am a good person. 

I am a fan of lists so I will start with making a list of who I already know that I am.

1.       I am a mom of 3 wonderful boys.

2.       I am a daughter of the best parents in the world.

3.       I am a sister of the best brother a girl could ever hope for.

4.       I am a crafter and if I do say so myself a pretty darn good one.

Time to start my day and see what the world has to throw at me today.  Thanks for joining me on my journey.

Who am I and who do I want to be?

Have you ever woken up one day and realized that you don’t know who you are anymore? 

I have had this experience at least 5 times in my life.

The first 3 times were when each of my children were born, self explanatory I know.  Becoming a mother was the greatest joy in my life but it was also one of the biggest adjustments.  You go from being a woman with no responsibilities to a mom with boys that depend on you.  I don't think that it is physically possible to become a mother without changing who you are.  Children make you realize that you can’t stay young forever and that you don’t really want to.

The fourth time was the morning after my 1^st husband told me that he didn’t want to be married to me anymore.  I have come to accept the fact that we are much better apart than we ever were together but all the same that was the first time I felt the feeling of who the heck am I now smack me in the face and knock me on my butt.  I pulled myself up and after a couple of years finally started feeling like myself, or at least a new revised version of myself.  I started talking to my friends again…you know the friends that I stopped talking to because they didn’t like the person I was married to or just because my life had gotten so busy that I neglected them.  I was taking care of myself and my 3 boys and getting out and not staying shut up in the house because I was embarrassed for getting divorced.  In short I found a part of myself again…or at least a part that made me feel like a whole person again.

The most recent time that I experienced that knock me on my rear feeling was less than a month ago when I came home to a note on the counter from my husband of 3 years saying that he was done with our marriage.  It’s amazing how after finding a note like that I can find myself questioning every decision that I have made in the last 3 years and wondering what I did to bring this on.  After dozens…and yes I mean dozens and dozens…of unanswered phone calls, text messages, and Face Book messages I have learned quickly that I am apparently easy to ignore.  You would be surprised at how revealing and freeing that can be while at the same time making a typically confident person feel like they should just go back to bed and hide under the covers.  Fortunately for me I have 3 boys that won’t let me do that because they need me. 

So I guess it’s time to put my big girl panties on and start looking for myself again.  I still don’t know who I am but I am hoping that this time when I think that I have it figured out the answer will stick because I can’t remember who the person I discovered 3 years ago was so I can’t even find the roadmap to get back there.  Guess I will reinvent myself again.  Who am I now and who do I want to be? 

Come join me on this journey to re-discover myself again.